Blog
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Control Is Just a Key on the Keyboard
Psychologists call our thoughts about what could have happened counterfactual thinking. Counterfactual thinking often involves our real or imagined role in contributing to the death or the suffering of our loved one. It is the million “what ifs” that roll through our mind: If I had done this, he never would have died. If I Continue reading
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“You were lucky…”
The worst thing anyone ever said to me as a new widower: “you were lucky.” A couple days after Melinda’s death, I called Social Security to notify them and to apply for whatever survivor benefits I was entitled to. The surviving spouse gets a one-time $255 death benefit (possibly more, depending on earnings, age, disability Continue reading
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Backwards and Forwards
Two weeks from today will be one year since the doctor declared Tracy dead. There’s something (I was about to say “indescribable,” but then realized that I’m describing it) about reaching the one year mark. The first year is full of adjustments. It’s full of “firsts.” The first Valentine’s Day without my wife (just 3 Continue reading
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Confession and Counseling
There are a few seminary moments etched so clearly in my mind, times that I received a real pearl of wisdom. One of the most important was the day when the Rev. Dr. Walter Eversley summed up a point he was making with, “I am a priest. I am not a psychotherapist. It is not Continue reading
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Take care of your body, too!
Christmas went well. There were moments of strong feelings, but only at the very end did I start to feel so overwhelmed, that I might not be able to pull together everything that “needed” to be done. At that point I took a deep breath, made to-do lists for the last couple days before Christmas Continue reading
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Seek ye first
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33 It’s no wonder that Christmas time is overwhelming, even in the good times. Though it’s trendy to complain of the commercialization of Christmas (and has been for decades; I remember the Peanuts gang Continue reading
The Joyful Widower 