Blog
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I’m still here!
Life can get busy sometimes. Despite my best intentions, I haven’t carved out time to write for a few weeks. All is well, I just need to juggle some priorities and find my stride again. For all my friends celebrating the Resurrection this weekend, I pray you have a blessed feast of Easter and a… Continue reading
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Control Is Just a Key on the Keyboard
Psychologists call our thoughts about what could have happened counterfactual thinking. Counterfactual thinking often involves our real or imagined role in contributing to the death or the suffering of our loved one. It is the million “what ifs” that roll through our mind: If I had done this, he never would have died. If I… Continue reading
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“You were lucky…”
The worst thing anyone ever said to me as a new widower: “you were lucky.” A couple days after Melinda’s death, I called Social Security to notify them and to apply for whatever survivor benefits I was entitled to. The surviving spouse gets a one-time $255 death benefit (possibly more, depending on earnings, age, disability… Continue reading
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Backwards and Forwards
Two weeks from today will be one year since the doctor declared Tracy dead. There’s something (I was about to say “indescribable,” but then realized that I’m describing it) about reaching the one year mark. The first year is full of adjustments. It’s full of “firsts.” The first Valentine’s Day without my wife (just 3… Continue reading
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Confession and Counseling
There are a few seminary moments etched so clearly in my mind, times that I received a real pearl of wisdom. One of the most important was the day when the Rev. Dr. Walter Eversley summed up a point he was making with, “I am a priest. I am not a psychotherapist. It is not… Continue reading
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Take care of your body, too!
Christmas went well. There were moments of strong feelings, but only at the very end did I start to feel so overwhelmed, that I might not be able to pull together everything that “needed” to be done. At that point I took a deep breath, made to-do lists for the last couple days before Christmas… Continue reading
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Seek ye first
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33 It’s no wonder that Christmas time is overwhelming, even in the good times. Though it’s trendy to complain of the commercialization of Christmas (and has been for decades; I remember the Peanuts gang… Continue reading
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All Grief Is One
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:3 Human beings measure things. We count, we weigh, we quantify. We then take those measurements and use them to compare. How did we do this year versus last year? How much does this person have relative to that person? Who… Continue reading
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Podcast Interview is Up
A few weeks ago I did an interview for the “Solo Dads” podcast. The episode is now up! You can find it here. Warning: it’s not 100% safe for home school. Continue reading
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The Big “W”
When I first became a widower, I felt like there was a big invisible “W” tattooed on my forehead. I knew it wasn’t really there, but it felt like everyone “knew just by looking at me” that my wife had died. I read an article about a year or so into being a widower (I… Continue reading
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Tilsons… Meet the Tilsons…
Last night, as I was chewing over what to write about today, I realized that I have some friends who knew both Melinda and Tracy, some friends who knew Tracy but not Melinda, some who knew Melinda but not Tracy, and (if this blog takes off), a growing audience of people who’ve never met any… Continue reading
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Shouldering the Load
Not so much theological reflection this week. I’m recovering from a man-cold (learn more here), so I’m not back to firing on all cylinders yet. I’m still going to write, even if it’s a short entry, because I know myself, and I know that I need to make writing a scheduled, disciplined endeavor if I’m… Continue reading
The Joyful Widower 