Widower
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10,000 Days
A few months ago, a friend of mine recommended downloading an app that can count up from a date in the past, telling you how many days it’s been since that date. He said that looking at the number of days since his first wife died not as how many days since the last time… Continue reading
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“Time heals all wounds!” Oh, please…
Dear Griever, Perhaps someone (or many someones) has said to you “time heals all wounds.” Perhaps you’ve said it to someone else (in which case, forgive me for what I’m about to say). Ahem. BS. Time does not heal all wounds. Rather, time gives you the opportunity to work out the healing (or not). The… Continue reading
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The Alchemy of Grief
The Elixir Teach me, my God and King, In all things Thee to see, And what I do in anything To do it as for Thee. Not rudely, as a beast, To run into an action; But still to make Thee prepossest, And give it his perfection. A man that looks on glass, On it may stay his eye; Or if he pleaseth,… Continue reading
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Ready or Not…
After one of the premarital counseling sessions Melinda and I had with Fr. Stephen Freeman, he commented as we were leaving that, barring the unusual circumstances where a husband and wife die together, one spouse will survive the other. He certainly didn’t need to repeat it later when Tracy and I met with him for… Continue reading
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Widowed Parent Relief Project
A few months ago brother widower Mathew Bradley, host of the Solo Dad Podcast and the Solo Dad Facebook page, posted a message about an outreach organization in the Knoxville area called the Widowed Parent Relief Project. No sooner did I find their web page than I was messaging the founder for more information and… Continue reading
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Same song, second verse…
I’ve been absent from writing for quite a while now. It’s been difficult to do a lot of things that aren’t strictly necessary. I’ve kept my kids and myself fed, dressed, and housed, and I’ve gotten us to appointments and obligations, mostly on time. I’ve gotten myself to work. Apart from that, not much else.… Continue reading
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“You were lucky…”
The worst thing anyone ever said to me as a new widower: “you were lucky.” A couple days after Melinda’s death, I called Social Security to notify them and to apply for whatever survivor benefits I was entitled to. The surviving spouse gets a one-time $255 death benefit (possibly more, depending on earnings, age, disability… Continue reading
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Backwards and Forwards
Two weeks from today will be one year since the doctor declared Tracy dead. There’s something (I was about to say “indescribable,” but then realized that I’m describing it) about reaching the one year mark. The first year is full of adjustments. It’s full of “firsts.” The first Valentine’s Day without my wife (just 3… Continue reading
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The Big “W”
When I first became a widower, I felt like there was a big invisible “W” tattooed on my forehead. I knew it wasn’t really there, but it felt like everyone “knew just by looking at me” that my wife had died. I read an article about a year or so into being a widower (I… Continue reading
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Tilsons… Meet the Tilsons…
Last night, as I was chewing over what to write about today, I realized that I have some friends who knew both Melinda and Tracy, some friends who knew Tracy but not Melinda, some who knew Melinda but not Tracy, and (if this blog takes off), a growing audience of people who’ve never met any… Continue reading
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Shouldering the Load
Not so much theological reflection this week. I’m recovering from a man-cold (learn more here), so I’m not back to firing on all cylinders yet. I’m still going to write, even if it’s a short entry, because I know myself, and I know that I need to make writing a scheduled, disciplined endeavor if I’m… Continue reading
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Marriage, Being Widowed, and the Cross
“I didn’t sign up for this.” You may not have read the fine print, but yes, yes, you did. Years ago, when Melinda and I were doing pre-marital counseling with Fr. Stephen Freeman, he pointed out to us the hard truth that most people don’t (or don’t want to) think about when they are planning… Continue reading
The Joyful Widower 